Soon after Deena’s diagnosis, one of our friends was confused about what the future held. “How do you die of a bad memory?” I can actually understand her confusion. The most commonly understood symptom of dementia is memory loss. And god knows, that’s certainly true. But the fact of the matter is that dementia is a neurologic disease with…
A FRAMEWORK FOR CAREGIVING
My overriding goal during this caregiving journey was that Deena felt loved, respected, happy and safe. Over time I developed a framework for caregiving that I used to guide Deena’s care and structure our life. The framework wasn’t meant to create hard and fast rules, or impose an inflexible structure to our life. It really…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #1: It’s not Deena, it’s The Disease
Deena’s dementia resulted in behaviors and emotions that had never been a part of her personality. She became increasing anxious and agitated. She was more needy and clingy. I knew she wasn’t being difficult for the sake of being difficult. Personality change in a person with dementia is a much more common occurrence than people understand. I was certainly among…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #2: Being right is always wrong
I learned early on that being ‘right’ didn’t matter anymore. Once Deena locked in on an idea, in her world, it was right, and no amount of reasoning would change her reality. I read in a book once that you can’t reason with someone who isn’t capable of reasoning. Arguing about or debating the details of something with a…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #3: ADD – Apologize, Distract, Divert
Whenever Deena started to get upset my goal was to find a way to change the direction that the conversation was going before it got out of hand. Consequently, I became a master of apologizing, distracting and diverting to cool things down and move us into a calmer frame of mind. Apologizing for something you know…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #4: It’s the first time, every time
Memory loss and the ability to recall words, thoughts or events are common symptoms of dementia that worsen over time. In fact, many people incorrectly think that memory loss and poor recall are the sum total of the problems that a person with dementia has. A person’s recall ability is tested by being instructed to remember…