My overriding goal during this caregiving journey was that Deena felt loved, respected, happy and safe. Over time I developed a framework for caregiving that I used to guide Deena’s care and structure our life. The framework wasn’t meant to create hard and fast rules, or impose an inflexible structure to our life. It really…
Month: April 2021
Alzheimer’s Strategy #1: It’s not Deena, it’s The Disease
Deena’s dementia resulted in behaviors and emotions that had never been a part of her personality. She became increasing anxious and agitated. She was more needy and clingy. I knew she wasn’t being difficult for the sake of being difficult. Personality change in a person with dementia is a much more common occurrence than people understand. I was certainly among…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #2: Being right is always wrong
I learned early on that being ‘right’ didn’t matter anymore. Once Deena locked in on an idea, in her world, it was right, and no amount of reasoning would change her reality. I read in a book once that you can’t reason with someone who isn’t capable of reasoning. Arguing about or debating the details of something with a…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #3: ADD – Apologize, Distract, Divert
Whenever Deena started to get upset my goal was to find a way to change the direction that the conversation was going before it got out of hand. Consequently, I became a master of apologizing, distracting and diverting to cool things down and move us into a calmer frame of mind. Apologizing for something you know…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #4: It’s the first time, every time
Memory loss and the ability to recall words, thoughts or events are common symptoms of dementia that worsen over time. In fact, many people incorrectly think that memory loss and poor recall are the sum total of the problems that a person with dementia has. A person’s recall ability is tested by being instructed to remember…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #5: No harm, no foul
As Deena’s dementia progressed, she became more and more confused about what products were used for what specific purpose. This was especially true in the bathroom, when it came time to shower and dress. Consequently, we had the ‘deodorant-as-hairspray episode’ and the unfortunate ‘toothpaste-as-hair gel’ incident, to name just a few. I learned over time not to…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #6: Going slower can be faster than going fast
Deena and I always moved at slightly different speeds. I’m much more a pedal to the metal kind of person, while Deena took a more leisurely approach to life. Our differences had complimented each other. She taught me to slow down. I taught her that some things required her to speed up. But I quickly learned that her dementia…
Alzheimer’s Strategy #7: I’m the only one that can change
Being a caregiver requires a fairly high degree of selflessness. I don’t mean you have to be a saint, god knows I’m not, but you do have to recognize that your needs might not always have top priority and that you’re the only one who has the ability to consciously change your behavior. As the disease progresses,…